You thought I would let this SAMANTHA craze slide just like that without me ranting? Shiiiiit! Let me get my game (read fisi) face on – and probably some Vaseline.
First of all, this may come as a big surprise to you guys, in fact it will be a big shock to most of you but… I like women. As a matter of fact, I looove women! Since we’ve got that all out in the open, let’s get back to business (or is it pleasure? hehe)
Samantha, Samantha, Samantha… where do I even start? Did I mention I like women? Well, that was before I found out about this amazing woman (sorry, doll) from Barcelona.
The first time I heard about Samantha I was like, “Great, another boring sex doll has hit the market,… AGAIN!” But when I found out it could talk dirty to me? Now that is when everything changed. Finally I see the light! I mean, all you have to do is touch her (I mean, its) hands and she (it) is down to get dirty? I’m sold! Do you know how many blue ticks I have on my WhatsApp?! Like seriously do you! I have been touching hands. I have spent all my campus pocket money. I have sung Drake songs. I have drunk-texted. Nothing! Yet with SAMANTHA all I have to do is touch her hands?!
Phew! Sorry if I went a little crazy there. I didn’t mean to hyperventilate (unless it’s with Samantha then we can hyperventilate the whole day, know what am sayin’!). Wait! Where was I?
Now, Samantha has been met with a lot of criticism by the female fraternity but the ‘Team Mafisi’s are having a field day; talk of sexual frustration, huh? It is really a jungle out there. There is so much dry spell that the government needs to bring in subsidized Samanthas from Mexico (read Barcelona) just like they did with Unga.
However, my question to the women is, don’t you think it’s your fault that Sergi Santos felt the need to create Samantha in the first place? There wouldn’t be a need for synthetic women if the real women acted like, you know,… women, now would there?
In a quest for gender equality, feminists have turned all our beloved wives, fiancés, girlfriends and side chics into men since, according to them, we all need to be equal right? So now our girls drink like us, throw stones at Baba’s rally like us, thump their chests like us, cheat like us and even ignore texts like us (Seriously, what’s with the blueticks? *sobs*).
Guess what? Congratulations women, we are all equal now. We are all officially men. I suggest you get yourselves SAMANTHAs too because we all need women in our lives.
Anyway, is there any micro-finance that can get me a nice loan? I have a Ruracio trip to Brazil that I need to organize.